Alone?

I sat in the cold dark cave, a barbaric tomb used as a prison cell. For so long I had felt and believed that I was in here alone.

Utterly alone, except for the few wild animals that would creep in from time to time. Their presence would often bring fear. Not knowing if perhaps this time they might harm me worse than before. Or possibly even take my life.

Yet, over time even the presence of these beasts, and the fear that accompanied, was somewhat welcomed. It gave me an unhealthy sense of not being alone. At times, even the thought of them possibly causing my death was viewed as an answer to prayer.

Living in this darkness, and having adapted to the fear and loneliness, I often viewed my prior fear, the possibility of death, as a “Salvation”. Something to set me free from this prison.

One day, when I saw one of the larger shadows of beasts begin to approach, my heart began to race. This shadow and silhouetted creature was different than many of the others. This one stood tall. It’s steps were quiet and stealthy. In an odd sense it's movement sounded peaceful. But the fear in me was much more heightened at the nearing presence of this unknown creature.

I had never seen this specific creature fully with my eyes. Yet when this creature would approach it was more frightening to me, for many reasons. One reason was that this creature didn’t enter the cave. Not at the mouth of the cave, like the others. This one always approached me from the back of the cave.

It seemed that this one lived, or had access to a depth and darkness of the cave that even I hadn’t been to. This creature seemed to be self sufficient. I had never seen any other beast or creature ever try to attack it, or challenge it. With such abnormalities, especially compared to the other frightening beasts that entered the cave from the mouth, this one frightened me the most.

After years of living on in this manner my heart and strength began to fail. The wild animals and beasts that would often come in to torment, terrorize and take painful bites and claw swipes at me had become my norm. It was now inherently expected and anticipated. For years now this had been the life and routine to which i had grown accustomed.

No matter how much I kicked, yelled and flung at them they continued to return. Coming in and injuring me as they pleased. Yet, for some reason, they never killed me. I evetually concluded that this was because they wished to torture me by keeping me alive in my pain and loneliness.

With fear, loneliness, and pain having become my known companions in this cave I finally wished for death. When the beasts would enter from the mouth of the cave I had finally stopped yelling and kicking at them. I welcomed their presence, and their injuries. Hoping that maybe, finally, it would cause my deliverance. The only deliverance that I could imagine was possible. Death.

At the expected revisitation of the wild beasts I just laid there. Numb, mindless, and hopeless. Being clawed at, bit, and even a few pieces of my body bitten off.

Then I saw the silhouette of the unknown, deep cave creature. At first my heart jumped in fear. But then I thought, “Wait. No. This is what I want. Maybe this creature will actually bring me my death. The Salvation and deliverance I have been waiting for.”

Oddly, something I hadn't thought much about before was that, this large, silhouetted, deep cave dwelling creature would never approach me when I yelled and demanded that it “stay back”. Unlike the other beasts, this one kept it’s distance.

For all these years it had been here. I never knew where it had come from, nor where it went. But, it had never, yet, released it’s furry on me like the other frightful beasts had.

This time, as I was being chewed on, clawed at and amidst the growling and groanings of the beasts, I watched the silhouetted creature continue walking near. As it reached the distance at where I had normally commanded it “come no further”, this time I remained silent.

I closed my eyes, to alleviate the fear of what I might see. Hoping this would keep me from yelling and commanding it to stay away. I needed to let this happen. I needed to let this one near and put me out of my misery.

I slightly opened my eyes only once. I could see that this beast walked more upright. Unlike the many legged beasts and no legged beasts, that had visited me for years. This creature walked on two legs. Like me.

This caused me even more anxiety. What kind of creature could this be. One that could be in, and remain in, such deep darkness. One that seemed so fearless, so alive and strong. Even in this dark and desolate place.

With my eyes shut tightly again I realized that the bitings, the growls and grunts had ceased. I wondered, “Did I die?” I opened my eyes to look at my legs, feet and then as far as I could see around me in the darkness of the cave. I didn’t see the presence, or any sign at all, of the beasts. Only my wounds and the surrounding cave walls.

“The silhouetted creature?!” I thought in alarm. “Where is he? What was happening?”

I strained my eyes and twisted my torso and head, trying to see what was around me. My hands still shackled to the wall of the cave, just above my head. I heard a voice, “Don’t be afraid.”

I recognized the voice. It reminded me of, and had a similar tone to, the silhouetted creature. I had never heard the creature's voice, or grunt. At least not clearly, and not from a close distance. But the sound of this voice resembled the muffled, echoed voice of the creature that I had heard through the years.

All those years I never knew this creature could speak. Expecting only beasts and animals like I had always seen, I assumed that the far off noises from this creature were just grunts and sounds. Of course, I had never let it come this close before. So any words that it may have tried to speak in the past had been muffled and drowned out.

I twisted my head and torso back as far as I could. The voice said, “I’m not going to hurt you. In fact nothing will hurt you if you let me stay. Look around you. Where are your adversaries? Where are you tormentors, or the accusers who imprisoned you here?”

I had no words to reply. I was in shock. Who was this? What was this? Where was the death, the salvation and deliverance that I had expected?

The voice asked, “Can I come closer?”

My eyes were wide open, my mouth the same. I scanned the cave, looking, searching to see anything that could help me make sense of all this.

The voice asked me again. “Can I come closer to you?”

I shook my head yes. As I heard him move closer I felt the pressure and the warmth of a human body. I felt a warm robe, and a strong leg. Without looking to my right, I could feel him near me. His leg placed up against the side of my right leg. I felt the movement of his body lean back against the cave wall, then slide down so that his hips and buttocks sat right next to mine.

This was all so strange. So surreal and uncomfortable. Yet comforting at the same time. Where was the silhouetted beast I had imagined all these years? If this wasn’t a beast, then who was it? Where had my tormentors gone? Why did all the beasts leave? I never even heard a command. They just fled. At these questions I came back to the conscious present moment.

I could feel the back part of his upper arm touching my side, just under my forcibly raised arms. I glanced cautiously to my right side. Scanning to get a glimpse of who or what this was.

He had a hood that covered his head. His knees were up, his arms were crossed around his knees. He seemed to just be staring at a downward angle. He sat as close to me, and against me, as he could. He seemed so patient, and calm.

I wondered, “What is he doing? What is going on here? What’s supposed to happen now?” I realized that He was patiently waiting for me to grasp, and accept, this new reality.

I started to move my mouth, and thought I was going to speak. My dry, cracked lips moved, but my whispered voice cracked and the words didn’t come out yet. I tried again.

“Where did you come from?” I asked.

“I have always been here.”

“You're a prisoner?” I asked.

“No. I’m not a prisoner. I’m here because you’re here.”

“Why?” I gasped appallingly.

“Because of Our Father. Because We promised, I promised and He promised that We would never leave you.”

I recalled hearing those words. Years ago. Some recited words that sounded poetic and calming. Yet had never seemed to have any tangible proof.

“So, you’re Jesus? Or God, or the Spirit or whatever?” I asked.

His body and head bounced up and down quickly a few times, with a short laugh. Still sitting with his hood on and his arms around His knees, He responded, “Yes, I AM.”

“If you’ve been here the whole time, then why am I still here? In chains?” I asked sadly.

“Because We will only come as close as you allow us. You were so frightened by who, and what, you thought I was that you allowed the real enemies to get closer to you than I could. But, that hasn’t stopped Us. We have been saving you, protecting you, and providing for you anyways. In more ways than you have even known. We have prevented even worse than what you have experienced from occurring.” He explained.

“Well, what do we do now?” I asked.

“That’s kind of up to you? What do you want to do now? I’m ready to take these chains off of you. To help you stand up. I’m ready to help you walk out of this cave, if you're ready.”

Suddenly I felt anxious again. An odd fear, but fear nonetheless. “Well, wait, wait. So, if you take these chains off, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to stand up. It’s been years. Look at how weak and small my legs are.”

“I know.” He said. It looks uncertain, and it will be difficult to stand or walk. At least for a little while. But, like I have always been, I’m here with you. To help. If you want.”

Still uncertain about leaving my prison, my home. The only home I had known for these last few years. It was going to be harder trying to leave here than if I just let myself stay.

I spoke up again, “So, if you take the chains off and help me stand, or even walk, where will we go?”

He raised His head. He pulled the hood off of his head letting it drop behind the back of his neck. He looked at me and then spoke.

“There are a lot of things I could tell you. There is a lot that we can do and will do, if we go. But trying to gather all of those facts and details right now, especially in the weak and fragile state that you are in, it will definitely feel more overwhelming than just staying here.”

He went on to explain, “Not all of those that are in prison finally allow me to get near them. Although I never leave, abandon, or forsake them they remain unaware of my presence. Like them, not all who finally allow me near will allow me to remove their chains. And I understand that also."

"Every step, every option and new experience, even freedom is facing a new fear. I understand it. You have already faced and grown accustomed to many fears. To the beasts, to pain, to attacks and loneliness. You’ve faced and lived with those fears. And with those fears, at least now you know what to expect. Freedom sounds good, but when faced with the choice, there is also fear. I understand.”

He continued, “I am not here to condemn you. I’m not here to force you or convince you that you have to leave this cave. I’m here, like I have always been, just because I love you. We love you. And under no circumstances, no choice or decision on your part, or anyone else's, will WE EVER LEAVE YOU! NO, NEVER!”’