Get Low

I was walking in the cool morning air, wearing my beanie, gloves and a sherpa lined coat. Carrying my drink thermos and hand towel, I was making my way to the gym.

I was debating on whether or not I would listen to any music, which often accompanied my workouts. I finally thought to myself, “Today, I’m going to perform my workout routine in silence and without any distractions.”

As I entered the fitness center at my apartment complex I quickly realized I was the only one in the room. Already that day I had been dealing internally with some distressing mental and emotional thoughts and feelings.

From the onset of the day I was battling the deeply sad and oppressive feelings of loneliness. Along with the feelings were their source. The thoughts and memories, telling me and reminding me of why I was lonely.

Among the reasons, playing in my mind of why I was lonely, were several specific memories. There were the bad choices and actions of my own doing. There were circumstances in life that were beyond my control, but were nonetheless difficult to deal with. Then there were the most difficult among them. The memories behind the, subtle, agonizing pain and feelings of loneliness were the ones of being hurt and betrayed by the person I had loved and trusted the most.

During my exercise routine memory after memory continued to play over in my mind. With each memory I had to choose what to do with it. I could feel the new emotional sting in my soul with each old memory. The pain was persistent, annoying and uncomfortable. It became so agonizing that I finally thought, “I don’t want to think about these things anymore!”

Choosing to not think about negative situations and fears, or as in my scenario, past hurts - is a good idea. We shouldn’t dwell on things that are negative, fearful, hurtful, etc. Yet, as many of us know, many times that is easier said than done.

Sometimes choosing to not dwell on these things is a battle. A battle that often goes on longer than what we would like. It can feel like a boxing match against someone who continues to get back up. No matter how many times you strike them they are back up and in your face again.

Similar to my seemingly never-ending fight, of "not dwelling on past hurts", I recognized another variable in this battle of choices. The choice and act of forgiving. Here again I experienced the tiring reality; forgiveness is something that must be done, a choice I must make, over and over again.

In my current scenario this is exactly what was occurring. About every ten to fifteen seconds I was faced with the internal pain of another memory. I had to choose to forgive, to let it go and give it to God.

Near the end of my exercise routine I had regretted my decision of allowing the silence. The painful, discouraging and unpleasant memories had been persistent in knocking on the doors of my mind. The mental and emotional battle seemed to be more exhausting than my physical workout. Because of this I now wanted to turn on some music.

Upon thinking that thought, “I should turn on some music.” Another thought inside of me asked, “Why?”.

My response was, “Then my mind will be distracted and I won’t have to face these thoughts and memories anymore.”

The internal reply to that was, “While distractions, like music, TV, games, friends, etc, can be a blessing they are not the answer. God allows us to have different types of distractions, at times, for our good. But we have to realize that the distraction does not, and will not, solve the problem.

My internal conversation continued, “If you were to put on music to distract yourself, and act like this internal battle was not occurring, it could end up worse. The internal thoughts, memories and pain would still be there. You may not be as aware of them but they would still be present. They would still be occurring underneath your layers of conscious thoughts. And whatever is under you is able to control you”

I then began to imagine different analogies for this. I remembered that when I used to play football. My team was coached over and over again about “getting low.” Especially in the battle between linemen, or when trying to make a tackle on a ball carrier. The coaches repeatedly told us, “whoever gets the lowest is going to win.”

I then imagined viruses and illnesses or infections. When these, smaller, unseen things get into us or get under our skin, under the surface and into our lungs or our blood, they can “take us out”. No matter how big or strong, how well trained or even how wealthy or powerful a human might be, if something as small as a virus, perhaps even thoughts, can get under us, lower than us and into us, then it can take us out.

My mind began to search for answers to this issue. I questioned, “If thoughts, beliefs, hurtful memories, viruses etc. can get under us and take us out then how can we defeat them?

I heard this answer, “Get lower.”

My mind quickly started seeing and hearing things that I remembered from the bible. Biblical references began to rush in to give me answers. “Humble yourselves under HIs mighty hand. Be made low. Allow God to humble us.”

When Job experienced horrible emotional and physical pain, when he had lost the lives of his children, all his wealth and then even his own health, what did he do? He got low. He humbled himself.

[While he was still speaking, another [messenger] also came and said, “Your sons and your daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and suddenly, a great wind came from across the desert, and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people and they died, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” Then Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head [in mourning for the children], and he fell to the ground and worshiped [God]. He said, “Naked (without possessions) I came [into this world] from my mother’s womb, And naked I will return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord .” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.]

Job 1:18‭-‬22 AMP

I believe that if Job had tried to mentally face, attempting to answer, every detail of every loss he had experienced he wouldn’t have made it. If he had tried to find and know the reason, or an explanation, for each individual scenario, each memory, every mental and emotionally heartbreaking crush that he was dealt, it would have been impossible for him to live through.

The factual truth of the pain, the loss and his heartache were there. He could not deny it nor make the pain and the loss go away. The pain and potential torment was in his face. It was all present and very real. Both in tangible evidence as well as in his mind and emotions. The facts, feelings and memories of his pain and losses were all around him. The devastation was in him. It had gotten under him.

Like someone getting under us and “taking us out at the legs”, this is what Job had experienced, to the depths of his soul. There was no logical answer, explanation or reason that could get under the facts of the circumstances, and the pain.

The only thing that can get lower than the earthly facts, than the tormenting loss, grief and pain is humbling ourselves before God. Accepting the facts of the scenarios, accepting that it is devastating and crushing, that it makes no sense, but then humbling ourselves.

That is the only way to get under what is trying to get under us. A humility that puts us lower, and under, the thing that is crushing us is the only way we will overcome. Distraction may feel better, for a time. But it does not give us victory. Get small. Be small. Get low.

Like David, he was the smallest of all his family. Being the smallest and having a small weapon, a slingshot and a stone, he overcame and killed a giant. David killed the giant. The victory was won by the one who was smaller. The one who was lower to the ground.

Like Jesus, who humbled himself to the will of the father. He allowed himself to remain weak, not showing resistance to the ones who were beating him up. Not showing strength to save himself from death. He remained small and in a form or posture of weakness. He humbly chose to not even say one word in His defense to the false accusations against him, which would lead to his execution. Jesus got lower than what was coming against him.

For me I am realizing that the pain, memories, and even the current feelings of loss and torment cannot be overcome by trying to reason them out or explain them. I must get low. Neither should I distract. If I choose distraction as the answer to my memories and pain it just leaves the virus, the torment and memories, lying within me. They will remain “under my skin”. Underneath my conscious thoughts and under me. Unless I get lower.

I can’t battle many of these memories and emotional pains at their level. I can’t fight them with logic, or explanation. I can’t even fight them with my own sense of spiritual strength. I have to choose to not fight. Not in the way most of us think of fighting.

These thoughts, memories, and the internal pain that follows, has to be fought by laying down. I have to lay down low under the Mighty hand of God. Knowing that He was, is and will always be in control. Whatever has happened, good or bad, it is all in His control. It has always been and always will be in His control.

I must get underneath the bullets being shot at me. The bullets of facts, memories and heartache are being shot by the one who wants to wound me. A spiritual battle, not physical. The one who comes to steal, kill and destroy is trying to get under me and take me down.

To win that battle I need to lay down. Even if it looks or feels like I’m just going to be lying down in a grave. I must remember, that’s what Jesus did. And yet He rose again.

In following His example it gives me hope to remember that, [“if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in (me) you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies (to me and to you) through His Spirit, who lives in you.”]

Romans 8:11 AMP

I can’t distract, and I can’t undo or erase what has been done. But I can get lower. I can humble myself before God and accept whatever He has allowed. Both in my past and my present. In getting low, in humbling myself, I am promised that “In due time, He will raise me back up.”