I recently read something that discussed personal addictions, unhealthy behaviors and various struggles. Along with these topics it discussed how difficult it often is to stop performing unhealthy behaviors; or to stop experiencing unwanted struggles.
One thing that was pointed out is that sometimes our personal motives for why we want to stop performing unhealthy behaviors, or to change unwanted struggles, is actually a more selfish motive. Such as being motivated to stop an unhealthy behavior because you are more concerned about getting fired from your job, being humiliated, and being judged negatively by colleagues. Compared to a more selfless motivation, such as not wanting to cause mental and emotional stress to people you care about.
Personally I agree that, many times, our desire to stop performing unhealthy behaviors; or wanting unwanted struggles to cease, is actually motivated more by selfishness and subtle fear, than out of a motivation of selfless love.
One time, while praying and asking God to help free me from drugs, God asked me, "Why do you want to be free? Is it just so that you will look like a better person and not be judged?"
As I pondered my true motives I discovered that, yes, I wanted to be free more because of how I wanted to be viewed by others. I was more concerned with being judged and talked about negatively by others. This concern outweighed the more selfless and loving motive of wanting to change so that I would stop hurting others; so I would stop causing others internal suffering and pain.
God needed to change my motivations. To change my desires for why I wanted change. My motives needed to transform from self and fear-based reasons; to a motivation of changing for others, as well as myself, out of love.
He (God) is Love, and love is not selfish. A motivation of Love will desire to change for the benefit and the good of God and for others; and yes for my good too, but not just for the good of my reputation, or comfort.
We may each desire some type of change or freedom. Either in our behaviors, someone else's behaviors, our finances, or some other unwanted struggle or challenge. I believe that identifying our true motive behind our desire for change is important. One reason is because the motive behind our desire for change will determine where we try to find the answer for our change. Most importantly, our motive for change will determine if we'll ever discover the solution, or not. If we try to find change through selfish or fear-based motives we will never find the true change, or the true solution.
Pursuing freedom, or change, is probably much like pursuing happiness or peace.
Victor Frankl wrote, "For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it."
If I keep staring at my lack of happiness, or my lack of freedom - my problem - then I am putting too much attention on it. By focusing on what I don't want I am, unintentionally, keeping it in my life because I won't let it out of my sight. If I can instead seemingly ignore the issue, or the lack of what I don't have, then I can use my focus and energy toward something outside of me. Something greater than me and greater than my problem, my lack, or my issues.
For my experience with drugs, I realize that I began to improve when I stopped constantly focusing on the freedom that I didn't have. I had to stop obsessing over discovering how I could free myself, and why many attempts hadn't worked.
Instead, and somewhat by accident, I chose to focus on helping people around me. Loving them and caring about them. Sometimes giving people food, clothes or money. Encouraging them with positive words, etc. I began to focus on something that was bigger than me, something that was outside of me and my problem. I focused on others.
By focusing on others and their needs, even though I had my own needs, I was able to weaken the fearful, frantic and compulsive thoughts of my problem. When I was constantly focused on what I needed and what I didn't have it only tended to enhance and strengthen the problem; deeper engraving its neural pathways as I gave it thought. By focusing on others, and on good things I could do for others; all while my addiction, my lack & my problems were still present, it began to bring about the answers and solutions I had originally been searching for and desiring all along. The solutions, freedoms and happiness began to ensue; they began to appear, almost magically.
I was recently thinking about how my choices to help - to love - others, is the simple command God told us to follow. And it was in following this simple command of love, in very simple ways, that eventually gave me the complex solution and freedom for my complex issue.
It's written that, "The Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." As I think about this text I believe it helps explain how freedom, and answers to our problems, are obtained through loving others.
The spirit of God is love. The quoted text says "where the Spirit of God is - (where Love is) - there is freedom. So God's Spirit is present wherever there are acts, efforts and intentions of love. When someone begins to help others, give to others, encourage others, etc., these are acts of Love. The spirit of the Lord is there, wherever Love is. And wherever His Spirit is there is freedom; answers, change and solutions.
When we turn our focus, energy, thoughts and actions toward loving others, in various ways, then we are engaging in thoughts and acts where the spirit of the Lord is. Our acts and intentions of love make us intimately present with His Spirit. And where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom; the freedom we had so desperately been needing and seeking in the first place. Whatever type of freedom and change you need, it is there.
Whether you need freedom from depression, addiction, poverty; or whatever type of freedom, solution or change, it exists outside of yourself and outside of your problem. Don't seek for happiness, don't seek success, don't seek the freedom; seek to be where the Spirit of the Lord is. When you seek to be where His Spirit is, where love is; when you give love and engage with love, seemingly forsaking your own need for change, you will, as an unintended side effect, find that the change you had sought for has occurred.
He is outside of your lack, your need and your problem. The spirit of the Lord is where two or more people are together, in His love; loving each other and helping each other. God's Spirit, His freedom and change that you need, is wherever Love is. He is wherever the needs of others are being met.
Encourage others with words, with a smile. Help others, give to others, love others. Let love give you creative ideas of how you can show and offer love. Become involved in the needs and lives of others, giving what you “can” give, giving what you “do” have.
As you focus outside of your need, lack or problem, and toward the need of others, then your freedom and solutions will appear. Choose to show, offer and give love. As you do The Spirit of Love has, and offers, freedom, change and solutions for every need, to all of those involved.
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