Wisdom and bad habits

Lately I've been thinking more about my need to stop smoking cigarettes. Also, during the last week or so, I've been dropping my cigarettes a lot. Just accidentally dropping them on the ground. Like just now. (Haha)

I sometimes take things like that as a sign. To me, since I've been thinking about my need to stop smoking more often lately, I take it as a sign that He (God) is ready, and that I am ready. Ready for Him to start helping me with this specific thing.

So I've been praying to God about it. Now, I'm sure I could probably stop smoking. At least for a while. With enough motivation, self talk, and some discipline, I could probably stop. I've done it before. But just performing behavior modification, in my own strength, is only so good.

My discipline to stop a habit usually only lasts so long. Kind of like our discipline to stop eating too much, or watching porn, or whatever it may be. We can stop. For a while. We stop, until the issues inside our hearts and minds become “too overwhelming” once again.

I've been thinking about this habit, (cigarettes). It is really no different than other vices, sins, or hopes, that we depend on. At least for me this is true. Cigarettes, drugs, porn, overspending, overeating, too much distraction with TV or games, attention from girls, needing recognition, whatever it is, they can all be the same.

I agree they aren't all exactly the same in regards to the mental or physical harm it can do to us. However, they are all equal, IF something in our heart like a fear, loneliness, hurt, or an emptiness, is driving it.

Jesus told the Pharisees that just ‘lusting in their hearts’ (or minds) toward a woman was the same as those that slept with prostitutes. He also said that remaining angry and unforgiving toward someone was just as bad as those who have murdered people out of their anger and unforgiveness.

Just because the Pharisees were better at self discipline, (self behavior modification), it didn't mean that they had allowed God to heal and mend their hearts, pains, and wounds.

I could stop performing some bad habits, but if the void, the problem behind it, is still there then what will I fill it with next? If the anxiety is still there, the fears, the stress, etc, that drive us to any habit, vice, or sin (sin = missing the mark), if those are still there then have I really overcome anything?

On the external, yes. But what's most important? Our hearts or actions? If our hearts are hurt, crushed, fearful or ruined, does it really matter what are actions look like?

God doesn't look at, He doesn't judge us, by outside appearance. He sees our hearts. And often, in our hearts, He sees our hurts. Our stress, our emptiness, loneliness, and fears. He knows what's inside. Which means that He knows the "why's" behind all that we do.

For the example above, about the Pharisees, Jesus was basically saying, “The people who you think are doing so bad in life, that you judge as being so evil, because they habitually get drunk, cuss, and prostitute, they are closer to walking with God more correctly than you guys are. You guys have your lives so well disciplined, looking so good on the outside, that you actually think you don’t need God to heal anything in your hearts. At least these others, the ones who sin and have bad habits, at least they know they need some things healed deeper in their hearts ”

The Pharisees had disciplined themselves enough to “not do” certain things. But God wasn’t pleased, He was saddened. Saddened because this made them think they were okay.

This illusion, and incorrect self examination, of themselves kept them from recognizing the hurts and fears in their hearts. Which kept them from seeing their true, deeper, need for God. This kept many of them from believing who Jesus was. They didn’t recognize Love, or join with the truth.

Their ‘good behavior’, in comparison to others, made them blind to the fact that they still had hurt, pains, traumas, etc that God wanted to heal. They still needed God just as desperately, but they didn’t see their need. Because they were ‘performing’ so well, (especially in comparison to others) they thought they were ‘well’.

The same issues in the hearts of others, the issues that drive people to commit adultery, were the same issues in the Pharisees hearts that caused them to lust toward women. Even though it was only in their imaginations.

The same fears, pain, traumas and sickness' exist in us all. We all need to be healed, comforted, reassured and renewed. The pains and lies that exist in some people, leading them to live with "bad actions", unhealthy habits or sins also exist in the person that doesnt seem to have as many unhealthy habits.

The driving force, the core of ‘sin’, that drives us all to commit ‘sins’ was, and is, the same issue in us all. Just as a virus or a sickness gives us symptoms. Likewise, ‘Sin’ = (hurts, fear, traumas) in our hearts causes symptoms = (bad habits, bad acts, bad thoughts). Our symptoms, habits and behaviors, can show we have a sickness.

Some of us can clearly see the symptoms of ‘sin’, (of this sickness, virus, this pain) in our hearts. We see the symptoms more clearly in some, like me. When I was homeless and on drugs. I could see clearly that the compounded levels of lies, fears, pains, and loss was a sickness inside. I could clearly see the symptoms of that internal sickness. And so could everyone else.

But some people, like the Pharisees, refrain from allowing themselves to show any symptoms on the outside. They won’t sneeze or cough in public. They won’t let anyone see anything that would suggest they have a sickness. Yet, the truth is, whether we let others see the symptoms or not, we all have hurt, pain, fear and sickness in our hearts.

Whether our vices, habits, or sins are ‘really bad’ or not that bad, we are all still sick. And God wants to heal us. All of, on the inside.

So, as I have been thinking with God, listening to Him and talking with Him about me and my habit. This is what I have been concluding. (I share it in hopes that it may help encourage you as you apply this to whatever your experiences are.)

Me and God are on a journey. A journey is a process. It’s in this process of walking with Him that He wants me to slow down and see the details. He wants me to learn His wisdom. The wisdom behind the “why’s”.

We often want to get to the destination. We eagerly want to reach the destination of our goal. We want to hurry and achieve what we have set our minds on. Yet, often we don’t learn anything from the journey.

That’s okay. We just get to do it again some other time. We keep going on journeys with Him, although sometimes the journeys are repetitive. We have similar, repeated, experiences on our journeys. Often this is because we didn’t let wisdom instill in us. We didn’t let it saturate, or marinate, which takes time.

We wanted our steak so badly, and just couldn’t wait. So we threw some cheap BBQ sauce on it instead and threw it on the table. We settled for something less quality than what He wanted us to have.

But it’s okay. He will provide us another opportunity. We will have another chance to watch, to experience and to learn. To learn His wisdom. The wisdom that only comes with patience, and in waiting. He will give us another chance, and another, and another. He gives us more chances to get, to grasp, the real freedom. The internal freedom.

He will keep giving us more chances to let His truth and wisdom sink in deep. The true wisdom and freedom that soaks down deep, like a marinating steak. It sinks into the grains of the meat. His wisdom and truth will sink down deeper than anything else can. ‘Even in between the joints, and the bone and marrow’. But we must let ourselves marinate in it.

Currently I find myself not having “as strong” as a desire for cigarettes. I still have some desire, but it’s less. I still indulge, but less often. This is just where I am at.

The truths that I need, the healing, the ability to constantly live in His peace that I need, to replace my need for cigarettes, is soaking in. Not all at once, but in His time. He is patient with me, with us. It is Him that is working in us, both to have the will and desire to live better, and the ability to do what we should.

God draws near to the humble. He gives Grace to the humble. As long as I know, in humility, that I can’t really overcome the deep issues in my heart, that I can’t be healed without Him, then His grace is with me.

Grace from our Father is like the grace from parents toward their children. (Yet better. Because He is a perfect Father.) When children accidentally break something they may hear the parent coming to see what they broke. The child realizes they did something wrong. In their fear they deeply, desperately, want grace to be offered from the parent.

We want to be graciously accepted, and our mistake to be overlooked. A child wants to remain ‘in the good graces’ of their parents. Grace from a parent recognizes the lack of wisdom in a child. Grace knows that children often break things. They throw things. And sometimes things they do cause damage. They break, they hit or harm others, and even themselves.

A good picture of grace would be a calm, loving, patient parent, (like God), being gracious toward the child. Knowing that the child is only a child. Grace sees the limits of the child's comprehension. Grace sees the true heart of the child. Grace loves, speaks kindly and gently. It corrects, but it does not shame. Grace does not harm nor want to harm. It does not think the worst. His Grace, His love, always thinks the best, always believes, always hopes.

In my wanting to stop certain harmful habits, to stop going to vices that harm myself and others, I have to be patient. God has been, and always will be, patient and loving toward us. I must be patient with Him. Patient with myself. I have to be patient with His process.

I can’t be like an impatient child, screaming and throwing a tantrum. Trying to convince Him that “I need to be free! Right now!”

A few times I did this to God. While I was homeless and while I was using drugs, I demanded that I be free. I begged, prayed, and then questioned why it hadn’t happened yet. HIs response was something like this,

“Why do you want to be free? Do you want to be free because of how others view you and think of you? For what reason do you want and need to be free 'right now'? Am I not with you? Isn’t my opinion of you, my acceptance, all that matters? Who are you trying to please by getting your freedom?

I know why you are in this place in life. And I am healing the things inside of you that got you here. I accept you, and love you. I am your Father. My grace is sufficient for you. My grace is all that you need. I am leading you and teaching you through this process. And when I want you and need you to be free, on the outside surface, 'where man sees', then it will be so.”

Now as I walk through this, seemingly slow, yet important process once again, I share it in hopes that it may encourage you. I hope it may give you some insight into a new perspective of what God might be doing in your life.

Sometimes we ask for freedom, for our inheritance, and after enough demanding, forcing and praying for ‘our will’, He says, “ok”. He gives us the inheritance. But we had not yet learned the wisdom of what to do with our freedom, with that inheritance.

It made us look good. We felt better about ourselves. Others thought we looked good. God gave it to us. But it saddened His heart.

Not because He didn’t want to give us freedom, or blessing, or good things, because He does. But He is saddened because He knew we would have to come back. That we would return more poor, broken, and unfulfilled than we were before.

Had we stayed and just lived with Him, patiently waiting, the freedom and the blessings would have been received. But it would have been received in His perfect timing. It would have been given to a son who was ready to properly, wisely, handle the freedom and inheritance.

Sometimes it's better, it's His wisdom, for us to not have ALL of our inheritance in hand. Not all at once. Not right when we think and say we want it. But when He knows we are ready.

It’s His wisdom for us to wait for some freedoms. Knowing that it, our freedoms, our blessings, our inheritance, is still there and is still ours. It was always ours, but it's waiting to be given to us as we are learning His wisdom.

[I know this is not the traditional way this parable is taught, “The Prodigal son”. But this is how God has shown it to me. The son demands what is “rightfully his”.

Just like we inherit all the blessings of Salvation; freedom, healing, prosperity, etc. It belonged to the son, but it wasn’t the Father's time to give it to him yet. But the son demanded it.

The Father gives us free will, so He may give us some things too early, when we demand them. Yet, more than anything, gifts, blessings, freedom, etc, He wants us to learn. He wants us to be like Him.]

If we had learned about His heart and wisdom, on a deeper level, we would have managed our inheritance and freedom much better. God wants us to gain His wisdom, truth, and His healing deep within our hearts. It is His first priority. He prioritizes the inside, our hearts, over our external actions. Whether they look good or bad.

If we can be patient, and allow our hearts to develop over time, to become like His, then we will have the correct heart to walk in, and live in, His blessings. His blessings of freedom. Freedom from sins, from vices, from habits. Blessings of healing. Blessings financially.

Yes God wants these external blessings and freedoms for us. But He wants us to gain the blessing of His wisdom more than the outer appearances of ‘being or doing good’.

Maybe you are asking God for freedom, healing, or for blessing. Maybe you want to ‘do’, ‘be’, or ‘perform’ better in some area of your life. God wants that also. But maybe if He hasn’t yet, seemingly, answered that request, maybe He is doing something deeper.

Seek His wisdom. It is better. Ask God for Wisdom, His wisdom. He will give it. He promised that He will. His wisdom will place you where you need to be in your heart and mind, so that when the external things you are asking for arrive, you will live in them well. You will manage them well.

When it’s His time, your blessing, your freedom and inheritance will be given to you. When it’s given in His wise timing it will be accepted, managed, and lived in well, with Wisdom. If we will wait for His wisdom then our freedoms, healings, blessings will be received without being wasted, lost, or stolen.

God already has your freedom, you healing, your blessings and inheritance for you. Like the 'Prodigal Son', the inheritance is yours. Unlike that son, lets gain God's wisdom and be prepared to for when the Father says, "Here, this is your inheritance that I have always had for you."

Above everything else, above any treasure, or blessing seek Wisdom. More than you may want, or need, a freedom, a healing, a restoration, seek and get WISDOM.