Over the years I have experienced several incidents and moments of failures. While the term "failures" is vague, it is used purposely. The wide array and types of failures I have experienced are many.
Some failures were experienced or done within, or without, by myself and other failures were experienced by others. From looking deeper into many of these experiences, here are some ideas and insights that I have discovered.
Although I have made the same "mistakes", "failures", or "sins", multiple times, the reasons of "why" were different on multiple occasions. I believe that understanding the reasonings as to “why” we do, or have done, things in our individual lives is extremely important.
In helping us each to analyze the reasons why we “do” or “do not do” certain things, I believe it’s helpful to understand an inherent, and common, psychological function that all people experience. This internal function that I speak of is something I have learned, tested, and found to be primarily true. It is that, the mind does not like, and does not want, to allow an unanswered question.
Some have said that the mind, “will not” allow an unanswered question. But I have found that in some people, in certain genres of questioning, depending on age, wisdom, etcetera, some discipline has been learned to refuse the “childish wants” of the mind. Some have, in certain areas, learned and trained their mind to be content with not having an answer. At least for a time.
The discipline of not giving our mind an immediate answer, that time of waiting, is a time of enduring patience and perseverance for sure. The act of making, or allowing, the mind to be still and settled, is not easy. Refusing to “give in” to “the need”, refusing to accept an answer too quickly, does not occur without wisdom, experience and practice.
Yet even for those who have begun to learn and practice this mental skill, it is still a challenge. For many the skill, idea, or concept of this has not even begun. Nor has it yet been understood. Similarly, our adult minds, in this aspect, can be compared to a young child.
At a young age children often want something immediately and do not like taking “no”, or even “wait”, for an answer. But through disciplined experience and practice the child becomes more tolerable, and learns the wisdom of accepting “no”, or “wait”, as an acceptable answer and solution.
Whether we consciously realize it or not we are constantly answering questions within ourselves. Answering questions in regard to the reasons behind experiences, our actions, the actions of others and, most importantly, answering questions of who we are, and why.
These questions arise, at times, within our subconscious and at other times between both our subconscious and our conscious thoughts. (i.e. “Why do humans exist? Why would people plan, and act upon, mass killings? Why did my relative die as they did?)
The answers gathered and accepted, from our many internal questions, often are accepted unchallenged, unthought out, and undebated. If we were to sort through the collection of the many answers we have accepted, answers for internal mental and emotional questions we have had, even since infancy, we may find that many of our previously accepted answers to our questions carry a negativity, or continual void. Maybe a hopelessness, fear, or even a dark connotation, or core that lies within them.
Not all answers to our, seemingly infinite, subconscious questions about life are dark, or negative. Some, many, may be very positive. Yet there is one fact about all of these answers that we have filed away in our minds that is true. All of our accepted answers, whether negative, or positive, true in part, or in whole, even if they are completely unfactual and untrue, these “answers” to our questions that have been asked internally throughout each of our life times will be, and are, our truth for how we view our world and all other things.
Consider codes for a computer. A computer is designed and built throughout a process, and during a course of time. It is wired and programmed with specific codes and “a law” of how it will function. The computer will respond, both in input and in output, only in the way it was internally programmed to respond. Whatever action is performed on the exterior of the computer that action can only, and will only, be processed and filed in the manner in which the interior code has been programmed to accept or allow.
That interior code, or programming, is like our subconscious codes and answers that we have ultimately accepted. So now, when a certain person, group of people, or even ourselves, perform a certain act in life the code that is written within us automatically creates, and suggests a believed reasoning as to why. And following that belief of "why" is our programmed response and reaction to that belief and action.
In relating this function of our minds to how it affects the way we view ourselves, consider this. Whatever answers, ideas, truths, or codes, we have within our subconscious, will control both our current and future perceptions, responses, and limits of belief. How we live, how we think, and how we feel, all that we "do" or "do not do" is, and will always be, determined by what subconscious ideas, answers, programs and codes have been instilled in us.
Sometimes, in our conscious minds, we think, we even confess, to believe something. Yet the actions, thoughts, feelings, and secret things of our life do not appear to match what we confess to believe. If you notice, or have been confused by such an anomaly, then consider this. While your conscious mind may know or acknowledge something, it does not mean it has been reprogrammed in the depths of your subconscious.
These subconsciously written and programmed codes, the answers we had accepted to our internal questions, become our limitations and reasons for our perceived successes, or even failures. The “answers”, or codes, within us are now the deciding factors of who and what we can and will be.
The only solution to changing the outcome of who and what we will be is in reprogramming the current code. Rewriting what we had accepted in our subconscious beliefs. Overwriting previously accepted answers to various experiences and questions we have had since childhood. The answers, ideas, and codes that make up our internal self must be rewritten.
["Something I have learned is that the mind does not like, nor does it want to allow, an unanswered question."]
Throughout childhood, and even now, if a situation, activity, or experience occurs, we inherently search for an answer as to “why”. The answer we accepted is, or was, discovered from multiple sources. A parent, teacher, or perhaps our own creative minds. Our minds are capable of both fantastic and amazing, while also dark and demeaning, creative thought and reasoning.
Maybe, at one time, you held to an answer of a question that later, through education, was discovered to have been incorrect. Although, in time, you may have learned a “better answer”, you’ll see that your mind did not wait long to accept an answer. It demanded and discovered an answer of it’s own. Something that you could accept, fathom, deal with, and understand. At least for the time being.
I have become aware that many answers we have accepted for our inner questions were, and are still, elementary. The questions may no longer be lingering within us, but the answers that sufficed are now creating more, and even deeper, unanswered questions.
Perhaps the answers we accepted to many of our questions were not the full solution that we needed. Which, in turn, has left us still in need. Possibly still suffering or wounded. Maybe we have previously accepted answers that served more as a temporary pain relief instead of a solution to an illness. Maybe the “old answers”, our outdated internal code, that remains within us and controls us is in need of rewriting.
I believe it would benefit us greatly to readdress and confront these old answers. Over the course of our lives there are many reasonings and answers we have accepted to many questions. Some of our concluded answers, as odd as they might have been, were desperately needed. Our mental and emotional sanity may have even depended on those answers.
Some of the answers we have accepted and lived with may be the reasons why we can’t progress in certain areas of life. Some of our outdated, previously, accepted answers may be preventing us from now experiencing internal healing and growth.
This idea of finding answer to questions can reach into many areas and experiences of our lives. The questions of “why” toward life, death, parents, siblings, our country, a president, history. But, I would like to focus, right now, on the questions we develop within ourselves, toward ourselves.
It begins as a child, but it never ends. We are constantly asked questions from others, and from ourselves, about ourselves. The never ending questions of, “why?”. For these questions of “why”, we search, discover some things, then develop and give an answer for, “why”. “Why did we hit, why did we push, why did we lie?”
Whether we offered an answer or not we were probably sent away with yet more unanswered questions. Commonly asked by a parent or teacher, “Why won’t you stop? Why did you do that again? Why are you so bad? Why are you so mean? What must I do to you to make you change?”
I believe many of us, especially as children, had been left to find many answers all alone. And these answers, that we were required to search for, became our internal programming, or code. Which means that the answers we accepted as a child, if not rewritten, are very possibly directing and controlling our lives even now.
As children we are handed a question, a “quest”, to find answers. Who are we and why do we behave in certain ways? A question that most adults still spend much of their lives trying to answer. Yet many never succeed.
When a question, a quest, is given to the responsibility of a child, often, an answer is quickly found. Too quickly, unfortunately. The child is pressured into “quick thinking”. A skill I have not seen in many adults. But still, the child finds an answer. Usually before a wise, positive, insightful answer is offered, if ever. An answer is found and whether it's a good one or not, that answer will, potentially, determine the remainder of their future.
The adult, unknowingly, ignorantly with just a question, sent the child on a quest into the lands of their mind. On a search for answers that a child should not have to search for and discover alone. Children, like we were, searching in neurological lands. Lands that, even as adults, even the most educated, are still attempting to discover, conquer, and settle in.
We purposely don’t make it too difficult when hiding easter eggs for children. Yet a child is given a question, a quest, a responsibility, that is challenging, to say the least. To find a reasoning, a belief to hold onto, as to “why”. The answer that the child discovers is what they are left believing. It becomes code written within them. An answer that they must settle for, whether it has truth or value, or not.
Many of these answers, or internal code, continue to be, and are, our current answers and code for life as adults. These rule how we function in life now. Yet they were found, discovered, and programmed by a child. Those same answers are the ones we allow to remain, without question. These are the answers, the internally programmed code, that we now live our adult lives based upon.
How could the answers discovered by a child be anything more than childish? Especially when searching for answers to challenging, confusing, and possibly negative scenarios. I would suggest that most of the answers found for our deep, important, identifying, questions were not “THE” answers of wisdom we may have needed. Most likely they were not a golden answer, they were not a treasure, with value and resonating truth.
The answers to questions about ourselves, our lives, and life in general were probably answers that we could compare to the programming of 1990 Apple computers. Or one of the first versions of a smartphone. In order for us to function and operate at the level needed now, at this time in our lives, the answers, the programming codes, need to be upgraded at the very least.
Within the neurological lands of our minds, is where our internal quests were, and are, journeyed. As children, on quests to find answers, we often didn’t return with treasure. Unlike the many childhood stories and movies we watched and fantasized about, we did not discover many answers for ourselves that had much value such as gold.
Because gold, to be found, must be sifted for, skillfully. Treasure must be dug for, mined, and at times fought for. Like many stories of quests we have heard and known, all treasure, valuables, and royalty are hidden and protected. They are also hunted, stolen, in danger of being taken, or even destroyed by enemies.
As children we mentally journeyed on our frantic search for an answer. Inexperienced, young, and weak, our endurance for a long quest, or search, was impossible. A child searching through the vast lands of their mind can be overwhelming, scary, and exhausting. Yet, it’s an experience that is common.
As children we all have had to search for answers to “why”. We found our answers years ago. The answers and code that would become, and are, our foundation for our future. Yet, the actual truth and value of the answers that we discovered won't be fully tested and determined for years to come. Which often, when tested in adulthood, leaves us confused and at a loss. Unable to decipher why we continue to see and experience so many failures in life.
Being inexperienced, as children, unprepared and left to search all alone, often much of what we found wasn’t treasure. Much of our answers were actually dirt. We could only see the surface, the dirt, the mud, the debris. We didn’t yet know how to dig. So we concluded that this “dirt” was the answer. It must be all there is.
With no other idea of where to search, or how, we accepted it as the answer to our internal questions. Our identities for ourselves. “Why are you so bad? Why are you so mean? Why don’t you ever obey”?
The child’s answer, “Because I’m dirt”. That’s all I can see. I searched, I looked to find the answer. I found some rocks, some dirt, and some shit.
The people around the child, parents, relatives, teachers, they couldn't seem to find or explain an answer. The self talk within the child may have been, “They are asking me, “why”. They want to know “why”, about me. I must be the only person capable of finding this answer. It’s obviously up to me to discover this answer. So I searched, and I guess I found the answer. I think I found it.”
The child waits, pausing as long as possible. Unsure, and even frightened to have to reveal their answer. Desperately hoping someone else might have a different one. Praying that someone will have a better discovery or answer than the one they had found.
But that hasn’t happened. So, ashamed, distraught, in despair and with humiliation, the child speaks up, “Here is the answer I found. I am just dirt. I found some dirt, shit, and debri. I’m a mess. I have no value. I must not have much value except for others to shit or piss on. That must be why I do what I do. It's all I found in my quest to find answers. It must be why others have done, and continue to do, horrible things to me. It must be why I can't seem to do what's right and why I don't feel like I am enough.”
Some of our questions, our quests, were in the search for answers to the deepest, most impactful, and most traumatic events of our childhood lives. “Why was I beaten, why was I alone, why was I raped, molested, tormented. Why was I neglected, why was I teased, why was I not enough, why was I not protected, why was I not loved? ” “WHY?”
Our answers were a mixture of what we discovered on our neurological quests as a child, and from the responses we heard and saw of those around us. Perhaps some answers were positive. But looking at the lack of treasure and value many of us have for ourselves seems to show that the answers we found, and still hold onto, are answers of little or no value.
These answers shaped and defined what we believed. What we believed about what we did, and why. Of who we were, and who we are. I believe that many of the answers we have accrued over the years need to be reevaluated, and most likely replaced. The programming and the code that is within us needs to be updated, at the least. Or rewritten at most.
["Sometimes, in our conscious minds, we think, we even confess, to believe something. Yet the actions, thoughts, feelings, and secret things of our life do not appear to match what we confess to believe. If you notice, or have been confused by such an anomaly, then consider this. While your conscious mind may know or acknowledge something, it does not mean it has been reprogrammed in the depths of your subconscious. "]
In my experience and beliefs, from my own path of rewriting the answers within myself, I know that there is hope. There is hope for you. There is a way to be overhauled, rewritten, reprogrammed, made new. The path, or paths, for each of us may include multiple phases. Just like physical issues in our bodies may need the attention and assistance of multiple doctors. Along with multiple visits, tests and evaluations.
I wish I could type out the specific answers here for each person. But, uniquely individual as we all are, as widely different each of our experiences and perceptions are, so are the paths, answers and solutions.
I can, however, suggest what to look for, and where. In allowing a rewriting, reprogramming, or updating of your beliefs, answers, and conclusions for events, people, and yourselves, search for answers that have life.
Answers from which you can sense life. Look for answers that have attributes of real life. Healthy and enjoyable life. Look for answers, to replace your old answers, that would give life to you instead of the pain, hurt and fears that many of our old answers have allowed to remain.
Find answers for your rewriting and acceptance of events that have the attributes of forgiveness. Which you would want others to also give you. Search for answers and understanding of certain experiences that see the best in people. Even when they had performed their worst. Which you would want others to also do for you. Search for answers to your deep, dark, experiences that have light. Answers that speak of value, worth, and goodness inside of you. Even though in your current recollection you may not have yet seen or believed you had value.
In your search for these answers, in search of rewriting the programming that is currently writing the story of your life, I suggest you learn to quickly switch your thoughts and memories from anything dark, destructive, or heavy, to things that are “good’. Learn to look for, think and only believe answers that are lovely, noble, worthy, beautiful, and true.
This process takes time, and there are dark, fearful places in our pasts we sometimes dread to revisit. But, if you will not give up. If you will call out and ask, answers will be given. If you will revisit old ideas, answers, old programmed code, and seek for new answers, you will find them. If you will go to multiple doors, knocking, unrelenting in your search to be alive, to be new, to be upgraded, the right door, finally, will be found and opened to you.
To be honest, I would have no idea how to rewrite computer code. But I have some idea of where to start learning. I have some ideas of who could help me. This is the same as what is within us. Recognize your need to be updated, upgraded, rewritten. And do not allow yourself to be discouraged or overwhelmed. Refuse to become hopeless, fearful, and defeated. I promise you, there is hope. There is life, good life, new life. Life that we all desire. Yes, it can be found.
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